January 14, 2010
My boss is breaking up with me. He is trying to let me down easy. Yesterday we had a follow-up meeting about my job performance. The first meeting was sometime around April last year when he muttered that it didn’t seem to be working out. This time he wanted to know if I was searching for something else. Huh? He said that he doesn’t see the passion. He informed me that he has new plans for my position and it doesn't include me. Breaking up is so hard to do. How can I find passion if there's no attraction? My heart doesn't flutter when I walk in the office. Instead I want to pull my hair out and rip paper apart. My responsibilities change daily and everyone dumps their mess on me with my boss' permission. How can I fall in love with something that won't love me back? I can multi-task, but I think he is looking for someone who can juggle a thousand ever-changing projects at once. He once said that he needs someone to think for him. Maybe after I grow eight arms and change my name to Olivia the Octopus or Rita the Robot I'll then be able to find that burning passion that he so desires.
After the “talk”, he was able to open his big ‘ole heart to "help" find me another position. I told him that this was very awkward. He let me know that it’s what a good boss does. So being the good boss that he is, he arranged an interview for me with another department within the organization. I know that I may sound a bit ungrateful. But the truth is I am very grateful. I appreciate the time that I've been given to hunt for something else. I realize that no matter how hard I work my boss will never be satisfied. The spark is gone. The flame no longer burns. I just can't seem to fulfill his needs. You see, sometimes in a relationship you can make one mistake, or two, or three and you end up paying for it forever. Some people just can't let go of the past. I too am guilty of doing this. It’s not right.
I began to feel like crap for about 10 seconds before I talked myself out of it. Life isn't over. This could be the beginning of wonderful things to come. Of course this was one of those "I-need-a-bargain-to-lift-my-spirits" days. I made my trek to the one who has always loved me unconditionally. When I walked in he had Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield" blasting from the speakers. How did he know that I needed that? He handed me a soft brown jacket with small details of black tracings etched into it. It was a size medium. I didn't mind. The fit was perfect. Another man told me that it looked good on me. That’s all I needed. I politely thanked him. I walked away feeling good again. As if on cue Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" echoed throughout the place. Hearing the song gave me hope and confidence. Gloria, girl you are so right. I WILL survive.
Posted by Elle Mosqueda at 8:41 AM
January 11, 2010
I spotted a Salvation Army thrift store while on my way to a birthday party for my friend’s son. I think I have special sensory cells which enables me to sniff these stores out. I made a mental note to make a stop there on my way home. After munching on delicious cheese and crackers and snapping lots of photos I decided to leave the party a little early. I was anxious to visit the store. It looked fairly new and was in a great location; I assumed there had to be plenty of great finds.
I walked in the store and headed straight for the blouse rack. You can tell if a store is worth thrifting if the blouse selection is nice. I wasn't impressed. Mostly everything looked like it came out of grandma's closet. I found a pair of slacks by Anne Taylor (the Loft). I tried them on. They fit okay. But the colors and fabric reminded me of something J.J. would have worn on Good Times. I spent about five minutes in the mirror trying out different poses as if would change the way the pants looked. I still had the urge to flip my hands up and blurt out "kid dy-no-mite”. I put the slacks back on the rack and did something I'd never done before. I walked towards the shoe rack. I've never been too enthused about wearing used shoes. As a child I think my mom must have frightened me about getting athletes foot if I wore other people’s shoes. I'd imagine growing a big nasty itchy fungus at the bottom of my feet. Okay, back to the shoes. A pair of 3 ½ inch gold heels caught my eyes. I tried them on (with socks) and fell in love with them. Anyone who knows me well can tell you that this is unusual for me as I don't particularly enjoy wearing heels. I haven't quite mastered the sexy gait that models have while wearing them. But these shoes reminded me of the 80's dance show Solid Gold. I saw myself wearing them with a cute dress, which stops right below the knees, while dancing to the O'Jay's 70’s hit "I love Music". The shoes were only $5.99. Something stopped me from impulsively running to the check-out counter and buying them: guilt. I felt guilty for spending what seemed to be so little money, but could add up to a lot if I spend every day. I felt guilty because I have bills to pay, food to buy, and I need gas for my car to continue making these thrift store trips. I sat on a bench still wearing the shoes, with my jeans rolled up above my ankles, and stared into space. I know that I must have looked crazy. But I was trying to rationalize things. I had to convince myself that I needed to buy those shoes. I mean, $5.99 wouldn't even put a dent in the amount of debt that I have. And, how much food could I really buy for that little amount of money? It would barely cover a meal at McDonald's. As far as gas is concerned $5.99 wouldn't get me very far since it costs about $2.55 a gallon. So there you have it. I bought the shoes!
That night I took out my old dusty laptop and attempted to write about my shoes. Did I mention that I don't have internet at home and have not used my laptop in months? You are probably wondering how I post these blogs. Well I mostly do them at work. Is something really wrong with that? Anyway, I wanted to get a head start on writing this blog. So I decided that I would type and save it until I got to work. When I turned on my computer a message crawled across the screen that read, "Operating System Not Found". In other words, "your ancient dinosaur system has finally crashed!" If it's not one thing, it's another. What else could go wrong? But when I glanced over at my gold shoes on the floor in the corner I felt better. I smiled. It turned out to be a good day after all.
****For all of my followers I want you to know that the price at the top of the page is the amount I spent including tax. This explains why it's a little more than the actual listed price in the blog.
Posted by Elle Mosqueda at 9:17 AM