January 14, 2010
My boss is breaking up with me. He is trying to let me down easy. Yesterday we had a follow-up meeting about my job performance. The first meeting was sometime around April last year when he muttered that it didn’t seem to be working out. This time he wanted to know if I was searching for something else. Huh? He said that he doesn’t see the passion. He informed me that he has new plans for my position and it doesn't include me. Breaking up is so hard to do. How can I find passion if there's no attraction? My heart doesn't flutter when I walk in the office. Instead I want to pull my hair out and rip paper apart. My responsibilities change daily and everyone dumps their mess on me with my boss' permission. How can I fall in love with something that won't love me back? I can multi-task, but I think he is looking for someone who can juggle a thousand ever-changing projects at once. He once said that he needs someone to think for him. Maybe after I grow eight arms and change my name to Olivia the Octopus or Rita the Robot I'll then be able to find that burning passion that he so desires.
After the “talk”, he was able to open his big ‘ole heart to "help" find me another position. I told him that this was very awkward. He let me know that it’s what a good boss does. So being the good boss that he is, he arranged an interview for me with another department within the organization. I know that I may sound a bit ungrateful. But the truth is I am very grateful. I appreciate the time that I've been given to hunt for something else. I realize that no matter how hard I work my boss will never be satisfied. The spark is gone. The flame no longer burns. I just can't seem to fulfill his needs. You see, sometimes in a relationship you can make one mistake, or two, or three and you end up paying for it forever. Some people just can't let go of the past. I too am guilty of doing this. It’s not right.
I began to feel like crap for about 10 seconds before I talked myself out of it. Life isn't over. This could be the beginning of wonderful things to come. Of course this was one of those "I-need-a-bargain-to-lift-my-spirits" days. I made my trek to the one who has always loved me unconditionally. When I walked in he had Pat Benatar's "Love is a Battlefield" blasting from the speakers. How did he know that I needed that? He handed me a soft brown jacket with small details of black tracings etched into it. It was a size medium. I didn't mind. The fit was perfect. Another man told me that it looked good on me. That’s all I needed. I politely thanked him. I walked away feeling good again. As if on cue Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" echoed throughout the place. Hearing the song gave me hope and confidence. Gloria, girl you are so right. I WILL survive.
Posted by Elle Mosqueda at 8:41 AM